If Tears Could Bring You Back
by luinloriel
Summary: Memories and tears are shared after the final battle. Rated for semislashiness and for minor language.


HP/DM slash- songfic  
Any characters mentioned belong to JKR. I own nothing but this particular plot. No this isn't how i think it's all going to end but I was listening to the song one day and this plot started forming in my mind so I went with it. The song itself is by midnight sons and belongs to them and their record label. I borrowed the lyrics straight from the song so some of the words might not be right. This is my first posted fic so feedback and constructive criticism is always welcome. I have a longer fic in progress right now so please let me know if you like this one or not. Ps I make 0 profit from this fic.

**How will I start tomorrow without you here?  
Whose heart will guide me when all the answers disappear? Is it too late? Are you too far gone to stay?  
Best friends forever should never have to go away…**

October 31, 2000

Dear journal,

They're gone. I can't believe that it's finally over. I mean the ending was just so… unfulfilling. I always expected this cataclysmic showdown. The ultimate battle between Harry Potter fighting for the light side and Tom Riddle the darkest wizard since slytherin himself, but I should know by now that dreams are always more satisfying than reality. Yes Riddle showed me that unintentionally when I was forced to joined him and my father that summer before sixth year. I still thank the gods and Merlin every single day that Harry stepped in and saved my sorry arse when he did.

**what will I do? You know I'm only half without you  
how will I make it through?**

It's funny really, how the one person that's least expected to make an impact is the one that's ends up being depended on the most. Potter and I have never been what most would call friends. No never friends. Hell, in public we were barely civil with each other, but in private we were closer than friends, closer still than lovers. We were "two sides of the same coin" as muggles put it, even though we were so different. Harry never cared as much as I, that we were as different as night as day. It wasn't just because he was always unwavering to the light side, and I couldn't make up my mind as to who I supported. It also wasn't because we spent six out of seven years on opposite sides of the war, "hating" each other. I think it was the fact that almost every single person who knew about us -the real us- told us flat out that we were too different and that there was no chance in hell that we would make it through life together. Call me bull headed and stubborn but I refused to accept that and I fought tooth and nail until the very end for my lover. Maybe it's a Malfoy thing, but for some reason, I knew that in my heart that we would be together until the day one or both of us died.

**if only tears could bring you back to me,  
if only love could find a way,  
what I would do, what I would give,  
if you returned to me someday, somehow, someway,  
if my tears could bring you back to me...**

I think the biggest obstacle we struggled to get past were the reputations people handed to us without a single thought to the consequences. Potter was always the bloody golden-boy-hero-who-could-do-no-wrong in anyone's eyes, while it was because of my name and my poor excuse of a father that I was always associated with Riddle and his wannabe death-eaters. For a short time between fourth year and seventh year (ok so it wasn't that short) the rumors and suspicions were confirmed as fact. At that time I was still father's puppet, eager to do anything possible to gain his seldom heard praise, even if it came down to accepting the mark early. I really didn't want to do Riddle's bidding because I knew who he really was by that time but father idolized him and I did what father wanted. As I said before Harry always felt like he had to live up to his reputation of saving people, and save me from myself and my "family". Yes Harry was perfectly capable of living up to the expectations thrown at him. He, Weasley and Granger disappeared after graduating and went on to hunt down and destroy each and every one of the remaining horcruxes, before continuing on with the filthy mudblood himself.

**I'll cry you an ocean, if you'd sail on home again,  
Winds of emotion will carry you I know they can  
Just let love guide you and your heart will chart the course  
Soon you'll be drifting into the arms of your true north.  
Look in my eyes, you'll see a million tears have gone by and still they're not dry…**

Damn them. Damn them all. Damn Dumbledore for turning Po-Harry into the machine, no kid should ever have to be. Damn him for making Harry feel like he was the only one that was allowed to fight. Damn Riddle for putting that horrible curse on Harry to begin with. For not listening to the whole prophecy and for choosing him over Longbottom and any other person who might have fit the prophecy's description. Damn Snape and Trelawny and every other person who had a hand in destroying a kind and almost perfect human being. Most of all damn Potter himself, for always having to play hero. I hate him for being so unselfish, for always putting everyone else's needs, wants, feelings before his own and of those that he loves.

**if only tears could bring you back to me,  
if only love could find a way  
what I would do, what I would give,  
if you returned to me someday, somehow, someway,  
if my tears could bring you back to me…**

Harry practically committed suicide by going off to look for Riddle in the middle of the night. I guess I almost understand why he took off like that. Harry was for the majority of his wizarding life, on the defensive side of the war and hated every minute of it. For once in his life, he wanted to be in charge. He wanted to have the upper hand instead of always being the under-dog. He wanted to have some say in how his own life was run. With Dumbledore around he never had a chance to do what he thought was possible or was the right course. With Dumbledore, Harry was nothing more than a pawn to be played is this game of chess.

**I'd hold you close and shout the words  
I only whispered before,  
For one more chance, for one last dance  
There's nothing I would not give and more…**

I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but Harry was amazing an all aspects of life. One last example of this is when Potter and I first started… seeing each other. I begged and pleaded with him to keep quiet about us because I was nervous about this kind of relationship and what would happen if my father were to find out about us. Harry was disappointed to say the least but he agreed to keep it to himself. It wasn't until father was killed by Granger that I actually allowed myself to have feelings for Po-Harry. It almost felt like I had thrown off the Imperious curse after living under it my whole life. It was so refreshing to feel things other than hate and jealousy for people, and have people return the feelings. Harry told one night that what I was feeling was on the borderline of love. The really funny thing was that, I was more frightened of falling in love with Harry, than I was of disappointing my father and his "master".

**if only tears could bring you back to me,  
if only love could find a way  
what I would do, what I would give,  
if you returned to me someday, somehow, someway,  
if my tears could bring you back to me…**

November 3, 2000

Gods. It's only been three days and I already miss him. I'm not sure what I'm going to do now that he's not here with me any more. He has been my support since the very beginning. How the hell am I supposed to keep going without him here beside me? I'm not strong like he was. I need people around for support; I can't just go off on my own and remain sane for more than a couple days.

I heard an American Muggle song once when me and Harry disappeared for a couple weeks to the states and until now the song seemed too sappy to make sense. Suddenly the whole thing does i don't remember the whole song but here is the chorus:

_" How do I live without you? I want to know. How do I breathe without you? If you ever go how do I ever, ever survive? How do I, how do I, oh how do I live?"_

My answer to all of those questions is I don't know how.

A/N the song at the end of this song is "how do I live" by Trisha Yearwood (the original) I thought both songs fit really well with how Draco was feeling at the time. Hope you all enjoyed this one.


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